December 7, 2011
Top 5 Things You Need For a DateSo you managed to somehow convince a woman that you're worth spending time with. Congratulations! This is a big step for you, sport! And while I would rather sit here and continue insulting you in an underhanded and passive-agressive way since I'm a bit of a jerk and that's what I tend to excel at, I actually want to help you with what your next steps should be now that you have that coveted response confirming a date and time to try for some romance! So lean in closer, Casanova, because I present you The Top 5 Things You Need For A Date!
1. Dress SnazzyNot to say that I don't appreciate your obscure 80's cartoon tee-shirt, but women these days demand a certain amount of class from men they're thinking about bringing home to meet their shotgun-toting dad. So ditch the wolf sweater and ripped up 90's jeans and check out Beyond the Rack. They have all sorts of snazzy assortments designed to catch and hold the ladies gaze. As seemingly superficial as it is, your clothes have to impress from the first minute she sees you. Otherwise, she may see you in the same light as the bum standing behind you.
2. Pass The Scent TestSo now that your potential woman hasn't run for the hills upon first seeing you, it's time to get science-y. Speaking from experience, women hold the smell of a man in high regard. Be it pheromones, memory triggers, or other scientific crap that I don't need to go into detail about, women love good smelling men. So make sure you have a great (and distinct) scent! For this, I recommend a Free Sample of Hugo Boss Cologne. It's a party in a bottle and she'll be all about it once you start getting close!
3. Take Care, Comb Your HairNow before I get too far ahead of myself, there may be something you have to take care of pre-date time. And what it is largely depends on the type and *ahem* age of the woman you're seeing. If it's a situation where you're simply a young man caught in a cougar trap, this doesn't apply. But if you're in your late 20's to mid 30's and looking to get with a woman of similar age and stature, this is insanely important: Dye your hair. Now I'm not talking about dying it bright red like you did when you were 16. What I am talking about it covering up that grey hair you let grow because you think it looks sophisticated. Let me tell you boss, sophistication doesn't come close to portraying yourself as young, energetic and virile. So get some deals on Just For Men Products. That'll help you out there.
4. Indulge in a ViceSo, back to the actual date at hand. You look good, smell like a million dollars and have somehow managed to get through dinner or drinks without screwing up and telling her about all the GI Joe action toys on your bedside table. Well done. But now what? Women expect guys to be on the ball when it comes to impressing them after the initial planned part of the evening concludes. And you know what the answer is? Dessert. Women love dessert. Why? Because they don't usually indulge in it very often. This is their chance to be bad when it comes to their diets. And it's all justified because it's dessert on a date. So friend, to make this excellent step financially easier on you, get some coupons for the Cold Stone Creamery. It'll be the best decision you've made.
5. Be PreparedSo you dressed the part, made her mind dance with wonders by wearing some Hugo Boss and made serious in-roads by indulging in something sweet together. Well done, sir. You are a true gentlemen. Usually, this is where Date number 1 ends. You take her to her door, the awkward kiss or no kiss thing happens and you're on your way! Now, if you've suddenly made it to date 2 or 3, or she's made up her mind that you're the perfect father for her future children within the first five minutes of meeting each other (that's what we at F4H like to call crazy) then make sure you're up to performance standards by getting a Free Sample of Wet Platinum. That's right. We went there. Enjoy, my internet friend!
Just remember, I expect kudos if you get to step 5. Have At It! Matt